these are the things swimming about in the muck of my mind right now:
-loneliness and isolation: the lonelier i am, the more isolated i make myself. this is a ugly vicious cycle.
-i want to go places. all places. right now. immediately. not in the spring or when i have the money. fuck money.
-why can't i find a motherfucking job? no, but seriously, this internship will be good. i think. and hopefully i will get the americorps position.
-but if i get the americorps position, then i can't go to europe.
-but if i can't go to europe, i will find another time to go. and i could go by myself. on a trip. after americorps.
-i need to write more.
-i need to start running (my alarm clock is set for an earlier morning)
-i love mornings. i need to start appreciating them more. i think i will learn to appreciate them because i will be getting up to go running.
-it only takes 21 days to create a habit.
-don't forget the golden rule: do unto yourself as you would unto others. i work in customer service so this is especially applicable.
-taking better care means: breakfast, lunch, and dinner. exercise daily. personal hygiene (like plucking my eyebrows, which i keep thinking about doing but never actually do [because i need a new pair of tweezers].) less alcohol and bad food. these are very easy changes to make.
-i need to move out. immediately. i really hope this 13th street house/living with jessica thing will work out. i will find out in 2 days.
-i need money. i hate money. i hope my security deposit comes back soon so i can pay bridget so that weight is lifted. and then i can pay off my credit card and send lindsey a check and pay at&t and get back on track.
-this summer was a fucking bust. i think i'm disappointed because i fucked myself over. but it's okay.
-i wish i were moving away, but because i'm not, traverse city is a glorious place to be.
-i can't wait for fall.
-i love wine. i really do. and i love selling it.
-i really want my life to start, but i can't stop missing college.
-i miss college a lot.
-i don't really know what to do, but i'm doing it anyway.
-i'm really going to miss school, but i need this time for me now.
-focus on the present.
-i want to travel. wanderlust.
-i like having fun.
-my mother cannot define me. i will not allow her to. i am me with or without her.
-i will move out soon. i will take care of myself. i will get the jobs i want. i will find someone to spend time with. i will fall in love. all in due time.
