my fingers are cramped from
steering-wheel-gripping
and hair-shaking
and word-typing
and other things bent fingers are made to do.
chimpanzees and cavemen
had perma-bent fingers
curled for clubbing, for clawing
for walking on all fours.
does this mean i haven't evolved?
(sometimes i feel as though i've de-volved,
becoming somewhat of a recluse while still clinging
to the awful truths of past lives)
i have a callous on the inside of my left thumb
it rose when i started high school
and hasn't disappeared.
my ticonderoga fits snuggly beside it.
my cuticles are chomped to the quick
for the most part.
biting them is a nervous habit
and something i do when i'm bored
or can't focus
or, really, at any time at all.
i have become obsessive about
evening them out
but all i seem to do is make them worse.
my fingernails are thin
stricken with calcium spots
(they are always thirsty for more
and my grandma never forgets to remind me)
i tend to remove the dirt from beneath them with my teeth.
i mean, they're already in my mouth, anyway,
what with the cuticle-evening and all.
cracked and porous my hand skin is
faintly freckled in the pale moonlight.
(i wash my hands somewhat compulsively,
and lotion them even more
in attempts to lessen the dryness)
when the temperature fluctuates quickly
my knuckles tense up
sometimes refusing to bend altogether.
it feels funny, because my fingers themselves are
stuck in this bent position.
movement becomes difficult here.
my fingers are so pudgy
each section spilling over into the next
the creases barely containing each.
they (the creases) are both horizontal
and vertical
and remain prominent in the bent position.
the dimples that my knuckles leave are always noticeable.
at my wrists there are
distinct separations between my hands and arms.
creases there, too, are ever-prominent and helpful in
deciphering where one part stops and the next begins.
(as if separating two body parts is beneficial for the evolved, de-volving survival)
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