free

my coloring books have been left uncolored

and my fort-building skills are lacking

i can't find my legos or hot wheels

and i'd rather drink coffee than juice this morning.

sitting in the classroom in a college i've dreamt of since those days

i am reminded of my mortality, my humanity, my age

is this growing up?

alcohol on the breath

black bags under my eyes

refusal to dress in anything but leggings

hands cracked from stifling cold.

am i old?

two decades of living and suddenly

i am reverting

a sixty-four pack of crayolas sits open on my desk

for when my readings on feminism and nietzsche

become too much to bear.

and ani difranco intermingles with disney songs on my itunes.

shuffle in some raffi and beatles for good measure.

no, i am not fully grown

oh no, not yet.